Up an down

I am starting to let the negatives creep in again.  Do I really need to do this to myself just to lose the weight.  OK so I've tried everything in the past (more than once) but does this mean I can't try again -- especially with the threat of surgery, pain vommiting -- and CANULLAS (ugh).
Have I run out of chances, and who says I have??   I know the cheerleader bandits would say, "you've tried before and failed", "look where your weight is now -- it will keep going up"   ---- but is this really it??.  Have I admitted these valid points to myself ?  -- I'm not sure that I have, I am hearing them but not listening --- AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGH  I think I am schitzophrenic!!!

I am so up and down  at the moment that I am feeling seasick.

I bought some Optifast yesterday and thought I'd start replacing the Paddlepops with this.  If I carry on the surgeon will see a Street Chocolate Paddlepop wrapper instead of my liver!!  I might even be able to freeze the choc Opti in the correct shape!!!